November 19 is International Men’s Day, a day to recognize the contributions of men in society and dive into the challenges they face. Hessel Schaaf, trainer at Fairspace and co-founder of the Utrecht-based platform Patriarkraakt, shares his perspective on this day and why it matters.
Thanks for joining us, Hessel! Could you start by telling us a bit about yourself?
“Of course! I’m 35, I live in Utrecht, and I’ve always been interested in history, self-development, and feminism.Growing up with feminist parents, I considered myself a feminist* from an early age. But as time went on, I found it harder to live by those values in real life. That all shifted in 2019, though, when I co-founded Patriarkraakt, a feminist discussion group for men.”
Patriarkraakt—what’s behind the name, and what do you do?
“The name ‘Patriarkraakt’ is a bit of a play on words and means ‘breaking down the patriarchy. Patriarchy is basically the social system where men hold most of the power. It reinforces rigid ideas about how men and women should act. Men are expected to be tough, always in control, and to keep their emotions under wraps. Patriarkraakt is about cracking open those norms. These expectations not only lead to issues like harassment and gender inequality, but also hurt men by limiting who they can be. In our monthly meetings, we create a space where men can actually be vulnerable and authentic.”
What goes on in a Patriarkraakt meeting?
“Our meetings are all about exploring masculinity in an honest and emotional way. We pick a topic tied to masculinity for each session. Recently, we focused on addiction, and next time we’ll tackle self-reliance. We create a space where men can really open up and talk about what’s bothering them, even if it means admitting to mistakes. Often, it’s men who contribute to unsafe situations, and through these discussions, we’re helping each other to speak up and think critically about our own behavior and hold ourselves accountable. It’s our hope that by doing this, we’re contributing to less harassment and working toward real gender equality.”
What are your thoughts on International Men’s Day?
“Initially, I wasn’t too positive about it. International Women’s Day and the issues it brings attention to felt more important, and I worried that having a Men’s Day might overshadow that. But I see the importance of it now. Men are also impacted by the same systems that reinforce traditional gender roles. From a young age, they’re taught to hide their feelings, which can lead to struggles later in life, like addiction and depression. Talking about these issues is still hard for many men, but those conversations are needed. International Men’s Day helps open the door for these conversations through articles, podcasts, and awareness.”
What message would you like to give other men on International Men’s Day?
“I’d say, take a moment to think about your ideas around gender, equality, and masculinity, and what positive change you could bring. It could really benefit those around you and yourself, too. Imagine having meaningful friendships where you can actually express your emotions. And if you see behavior that doesn’t feel right, speak up. It’s only by doing this together that we can make a real difference.”
*Being a feminist means believing that everyone—whether they are a man, woman, or any other gender—should be treated equally and deserves the same rights and opportunities. For the purposes of this blog, this is a brief description of feminism, but we recognize that it can mean much more to many people. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to share your thoughts or have any tips!
